How to Introduce your Boyfriend to your Family

Don’t. Just kidding, you have to even though you really don’t want to. Wait a while. But don’t wait too long, because then people wonder if he is real or not. Coach him on everything he should and shouldn’t say. Also make sure that he is authentic. Family can tell if he’s being fake. Coach your family, make sure they aren’t going to be too weird. Make sure your family is being themselves though. If your boyfriend doesn’t like your family for who they are, it will probably never work. Set up a dinner. Maybe at a public place so things can’t get too out of hand. Don’t, under any circumstances, leave your boyfriend alone with your father. Ever. In fact, don’t leave your boyfriend alone with any of your family members. That might be too much for anyone during a first meeting. Make sure you have the whole night planned out, just to have it all fall apart and go nothing like you thought. Also, make sure you have high expectations so when everything comes crumbling down, it feels even worse. When your boyfriend goes to the bathroom, ask your whole family what they think so there is this massive awkward silence when he comes back. Spend so much time worried about what everyone thinks that you don’t get to enjoy the dinner. When mom invites him back to the house for dessert, agree that it’s a great idea, because although you know he shouldn’t have to deal with your family any longer, mom will be very upset if he declines. Allow this part of the night to just flow because trying to plan it all out clearly isn’t helping. When it’s time to leave, walk out and immediately ask how he feels. In the five seconds before he answers, imagine ever single bad emotion a person could feel and only anticipate that he must’ve had a terrible night. Listen. Listen to him as he says,

“Your family is great. I can’t wait to do this again.”

Drive back to your apartment, happy that everything went completely not as planned.

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